Clever Puns

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from the algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.